Okay, time to be super honest (not like my last post wasn't honest, but now you get to know more about my life almost to the point of no return...jk, but not really). So here it goes. I've been hurt a lot by people I really care about. Most of the time it's by friends and even by boyfriends/potential love interests. As hard as it's been and as much as it sucks, it has definitely taught me ways to recognize when someone has been hurt emotionally. Now when I say hurt, I don't mean relational abuse in any sort of form. I've never dealt with that and don't have any experience with that. The hurt I'm talking about is the type of hurt when you feel betrayed. It sucks being on the receiving end of a friend lashing out, especially when you don't know why. So hopefully this can help you preserve friendships and understand what might be going on.
1) Withdrawing/Shutting You Out
When friends feel hurt, one of the ways they might react is by withdrawing or shutting you out. This one is very common and it's happened to me before. It makes sense. If someone hurts you, you probably won't want to be around them. As the friend who's been shut out, make sure to give them time but don't drop them as a friend completely until you get a chance to talk it out. Worse comes to worse, you guys can both have closure. Although it was super hard when my friends shut me out, I gave them some time and I took time to figure out what happened and then I talked with each of them. I lost half of them but the other half I was able to keep as friends. The whole thing hurt but it allowed me to move on.
2) Accusing You
I had a friend one time who I had accidentally hurt and I had no idea, until she started blaming and accusing me. She lashed out and in doing so, I ended up getting hurt too. This is not a good one to be stuck in the middle of. It hurts both you and the person. People don't just lash out for no reason, so if a friend starts lashing out at you, that could be because they are hurt. Whether you hurt them or they were hurt by someone else, it's so important to look past what they might be doing so that you can talk it out with them, which is what I did with my friend who I had hurt. We talked and were able to figure out the root of the problem and still be really good friends.
3) Hurting You
This one hasn't happened to me directly, but it has happened to a dear friend of mine. A mutual friend, who was hurting from something going on in his life, lashed out at my friend saying that they were never friends and that he didn't trust her. I knew for a fact this wasn't true so it was easy to figure out that he was saying all of this because something was going on that was unrelated to her. There's not much you can do with this one, but if they are willing to talk to you about it, then try and talk with them. Just know, them hurting you back might have nothing to do with you.
4) Gossiping About You
Let's go back to high school for a second. When you didn't like someone or when someone hurt you, how often did you find yourself gossiping or wanting to gossip about them behind their backs? Believe it or not, that doesn't always leave people when they grow up. It sucks because you may have no idea they are mad at you until you start hearing things. But if that happens the best thing you can do is just talk to them and figure out what is going on. Of course people gossip for other reasons but this might just be one reason why. So don't discount it.
Being hurt and betrayed by someone you trust sucks but it also sucks to be on the receiving end of someone who is hurting. Once you recognize that someone might be hurt, it's so important to communicate with them. By doing this, you are letting them know that you really do care about them. You're being a friend. I've been on both sides and it's hard but I can tell you that you will get through it. I hope this helps anyone who might be in this situation. And with that, I'll sign off and talk with you guys next week.
Love, Taylor