I'm in the car. It's dark out. I have the music blaring so that I might possibly distract myself from the knots forming in my stomach. Should I just turn around and tell them I got the flu last minute? That would be so much easier. Or maybe I can just make an appearance and then say I have an early morning and need to get home to get some rest. They'd understand that right? Shoot, it's too late. I'm already at the door. I knock, fidgeting with my hands which are now thoroughly sweaty (note to self, can't shake people's hands or they might know). Door opens to a social gathering in full swing. Crap. Now I really can't go back.
If this sounds anything like you, you're not alone. I've been living with social anxiety since I was in Kindergarden. I love people though, so how can I have social anxiety? I've found out that it's not always the "social" aspect that triggers my anxiety. It can be the circumstances that I'm walking in to. It can be the noise. It can be the day that I've had leading up to a social encounter. Either way, my social anxiety will occasionally flare up. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a part of life. So here are some things I've learned from my years of dealing with social anxiety.
1) Be Honest
This one might be the hardest tip that I've learned. It's easy to casually say "Oh ya, I have social anxiety" to someone, but truly telling someone exactly what that means for you is really hard because it puts you in a position to be vulnerable and judged. And I'm not saying tell everyone you meet. No. But tell your closest friends so they can look out for you. When I'm going to a party or a social gathering with a friend, I always make sure they know the situation so that if I step out of the room they can cover for me and can be my support.
2) Be Aware
It's not always easy to tell when an attack is coming along but it is important to try and figure out what might trigger your social anxiety so that you can mentally prepare for the situation you are walking in to. When you are mentally prepared, you can handle the situation much better. Also, knowing yourself and your anxiety can help you physically prepare. If I have work all day and then a social gathering that night, I know that I need to take time to decompress in between and that getting ready fast versus taking my time helps me to manage my social anxiety.
3) Walk it Out
This is the most important tip I have picked up over the years. So let's say you had an attack at a social gathering and you're outside the house or locking in a room. One of the best things to do is some form of physical activity whether that be jumping jacks, hopping from one foot to the other, running down the block, or whatever. Whatever it is, just get your heart rate up with a form of physical activity. The reason this is so important is because it tricks your brain in to thinking that the excess adrenaline from your attack is actually being produced because you're exercising. It's a hard tip to do sometimes but it has been such a lifesaver for me over the years. I promise it works.
Having any form of anxiety sucks. It's inconvenient at times and annoying at others. But there are ways to manage and lessen it. Being honest with your friends about it and building a support system is so important. Knowing yourself and your anxiety well enough to prepare yourself mentally and physically is really helpful in lessening the attacks. And them being able to divert that anxiety in to physical activity is really what starts to turn it all around. I know not all of these are always possible but getting to know you and your anxiety is the best place to start. I hope this helps and I hope you know you're not alone. Talk to you in my next post!
Love, Taylor