She's just going through a tough time right now and if I leave her, that will be one more thing that goes wrong in her life. If I was given the opportunity to do that, I'd reschedule with me too. They just need to vent and I'll be a good friend and listen. It's so easy to find yourself saying this in defense of a friend. But sometimes there are just friends that don't care about you the way you care about them. It's not always easy to identify those relationships because we strive to see the best in people. And don't get me wrong, those people do have good qualities as well, but if they aren't giving you the time, it may be important to reassess the friendship. Here are 7 questions to ask about a friendship that might indicate it is an unbalanced relationship that you may need to reassess.
1) Is it all about them?
Do you find yourself trying to get a word in but constantly getting shut down? And when you do get a word in, do you truly feel heard? If not, that's a bad thing. A friend who cares about you is going to want to listen to your problems just as much as you want to listen to theirs. If you feel steamrolled, this is a sign that they may not care or respect you the way you respect and care about them.
2) Do you walk away feeling like life sucks?
Is there seemingly nothing positive in your friend's life? Does she make everything seem negative? Does she always complain about her loneliness? If your friend is making you feel like this through their lack of positivity, that is not good. If you have a friend who can't see the positive in the amazing world around them, it is not your job to try and change their view. A true friend who knows you will be affected by your presence in a positive way and will want to share in positive and fun experiences with you.
3) Are you walking on eggshells afraid of how they might react?
Are you scared to tell your friend something? Do you feel nauseous when you know a friend is mad, possibly at you? This is clearly not good. Yes friends get mad at each other, but if you fear that every time your friend is mad at you, that the friendship is over, that's not good. If a friend is really a friend, they will want to work through the problem instead of just dropping you and not putting any effort in to the relationship.
4) Do they always make excuses to get out of the plans you guys made?
Are they always looking for a better experience? Or something more fun with other people? Then they don't even invite you to come along? If this happens more often than not, these people are self-interested and don't care about you as much as you care about them. They care about their own experiences instead of your friendship. A true friend will want to make plans with you and keep those because they will want to be around you, not trying to find something better to do.
5) Are they forcing you to compromise who you are?
Do you feel like you will only be accepted if you do this or that? Do you feel pushed to be something you're not? You are uniquely you, and if someone is trying to change who you, then they don't care for you as you are. They want something else that isn't you, and that's okay. Don't change who you are for the approval of someone else because a true friend will love you for who you are.
6) Do you feel judged? Discredited? Doubted?
Although honesty is important, a true friend will tell you the truth in a way that doesn't make you feel judged. A true friend will trust you and make you feel heard and respected and credited. A true friends makes you fee smart and valued, not crappy and dumb.
7) Are you always doing stuff for them when they don't do anything for you?
Do you always reach out to them to make plans with little reciprocity on their end? True friends will want to care for you just as much as you care for them. If you have a friend that keeps tally, that's not good either. It's out of love that friends are selfless and if a friend isn't invested in you as much as you are in them, that's not a friend you want in your life.
All what we want in life is human connection. To know and be known. To care and be cared for. To love and be loved. To listen and to be heard. Friends come and go in life. It's okay to let someone go, because, in all honesty, if they don't treat you how you treat them, they probably won't even notice you are gone. And you want a friend who values your friendship as much as you value theirs. Someone who puts as much time in to the relationship as you do. "Friends are like stars. They come and they go, but only the true ones glow." Find friends that glow as bright as you.